It
was the winter of 1996; Bokaro Steel Plant, Bihar.
The
molten steel was flowing like yellow river from the blast furnace. My eyes were
fixed.
“Mani?”
“Mani?”
“Mani,
where are you lost?”
“No
sir! Just looking at this steel, flowing like water! Never imagined that steel
can flow like this! When I look at this, I wonder, is steel really hard and
strong as all will think or it’s like water, as I see it now?! I feel there is
no absolute truth in this world!”
He
laughed. “Idiot, go and check the levels...philosophy later!”
Philosophy
always comes later, first is our work, mundane and daily work. So, I had to
shut my thoughts, and immerse in my work.
That
night, I saw myself being melted into water and flown into a small pit, like
the steel flowed. The pit closed. No tombstone. No trace. Somebody laughed.
I
woke up, sweating heavily. Startled. Death startles everybody. Suddenly I remembered
Anand; Anand Ranthidevan. With whom I studied together in REC, Trichy for four
years.
Nothing
startled him - Even death.
Anand
Ranthidevan died on 3rd October, 2011, along with his wife, Deepa. He was 39,
she was 36. It was their choice to die. They left a small note, that they lived
a happy and fullest life, and find no more reason to live.
Anand
and I were together in chemical engineering, REC, Trichy.
Philosophy,
of-course is not taught in engineering colleges. So we never exchanged notes or
referred to books. But, Anand radiated philosophy in a different way. His
arguments used to amuse me, and at times scare me, the conservative ‘Srirengam
school boy’.
“Who
said it is not right?”
“Ok, I
feel so”
“Why
you feel so?”
“Because
you can’t hurt anybody for your happiness”
“Ha-ha
Really Mani? Think about it again! How many living things you hurt everyday!
Can you really live without killing or hurting something or somebody? The
fittest survive Mani. That’s the philosophy of life! You have not read that?
The whole world is how we see it and how we live. Don’t get fooled by what
people preach! Life is ours and we are responsible to only ourselves!”
I
remember how he convinced me to take him and others to my small home. (“To take
people home you don’t need a big house, you just need a big heart Mani!”) I
remember how he fooled me to mix ice-cream with soft drink, knowing well that I
won’t like it, and then took it away from me! (“Hahaha, I just wanted it for
myself!”)
Initially,
I was not comfortable with my discussions with him. Most of the guys were not. His
questions would make you uncomfortable.
But,
he was comfortable with me. Those days I have not learnt to pretend. And, he
liked it. He used give me a wide grin, and chat up with me. He used to laugh at
me and my philosophy on life. His forthrightness, dipped in sharp wit could
penetrate any defence. I have seen him tearing the guys apart in class,
canteen, anywhere. He was seldom seen in a company, and yet he was popular.
I
remember the arousing extempore speech he gave in the basket ball court, a day
before we went on strike against the college management. I remember his smart
preparations for exams and how he used get as much marks as he needed. He never
had trouble in being smart chap.
But,
he never really was a part of the world he lived in. He lived in his own world,
with his own rules, if at all he had any!
He
was a philosopher who lived it, and never preached it. Slowly, I was drawn to
him as he challenged convincingly what has been taught to me all along. It made
me question things. Indeed his contribution in my ‘growing up’ may be much more
than what I ever thought to be.
He
found the world hypocritical. He found pretensions all around. He lived as if
he is immune to the pretensions. He lived for himself. Whatever happiness he got out of his karate,
his ice creams, his laughter- he lived it, fully.
I did
wonder once, what will he do when the karate, ice-creams and books fail to
enthrall him? Will he find a lady who will interest him enough?
He
indeed found Deepa interesting, and they got married in Bangalore. I remember
his laughter in the phone “I did not send you a marriage invitation Mani,
because, I never printed any!” I was not surprised a bit.
Then,
I lost touch with him in the midst of chaotic life. At times, Anand would show
up in my mind, with that laughter. I wanted to catch-up with him, and surprise
him how much I have changed! How much I realise that world is indeed in our
mind, as he used to say.
But, then,
that day never came. Only the news of his death came. Destiny has strange ways
of mocking at us; at our pretensions; at the reasons we invent to live; wife,
kids, family, friends, society. Endless list of pretensions!
So,
when I stop pretending, will I stop living, like Anand? Or continue to live
midst pretensions, till they claim me one day?
What
claimed Anand? Nobody will ever know for sure. But, I am sure that Anand never
had unanswered questions. He was sure, always, even in his death.
RIP.
